The Power of debt cannot be underestimated as it shifts all attention away from expansion and growth. The night sky is less reflected upon as the night light at 4:00am illuminates bank and credit card statements. It is not about my heart growing and blooming but my throat restricted with a shortness of breath. The waters of flow are retreating and I find myself in the shallows.
There is of course, an invitation to go deeper, access a wisdom well known through meditation and contemplation, nature and inspired conversation but this doesn’t seem to apply, any more. What does apply is the amount of propane in the tank for the oven, heating oil in the tank for winters promise blowing through the open Fall windows now that it is mid-October, and if the internet and cell phone bill have been paid this month. Next month is too overwhelming to even imagine.
So uncomfortable (to say the least) along with a flood of emotion that now looks at every object that graces our shelves with intended beauty and inspiration, wondering now, “How much could I get for that?” Has imagination left the room? Of course not. But the times dictate scrutiny and resolve to make decisions. Imagination feels like a luxury. Afterall, in many ways, imagination got me here. The blinding flash is my imagination did not project security or sustainability. The assumption was the flow of water, the flow of abundance the flow of water itself. But the water has retreated. This can no longer be assumed.
I am faced with a refugee lifestyle of my own making because the forces that dominate my expression of growth, expansion and possibility no longer apply. It is time to act, pray for rain and go up river. Leaving here is a real possibility. Heart-breaking.
No answers. No questions either. Now it is time to act…and this includes meticulously reading and studying this book and understanding the source of flow, of water that appears at least for now, to have gone underground.
